Half Baked Potato
by paperbkryter
Summary: Oh this is just silly! Post Nicodemus. Clark is finished taking his SAT test and in the time remaining his mind starts to wander.....Please apply the usual disclaimers and don't eat or drink while reading this. It might be funny.


Okay, so having morals is a good thing, right? Man, I don't know, sometimes it really sucks.   
  
My mom has a pair of coveralls she wears to work around the farm in the wintertime. They're the most un-sexy things a woman could wear and make mom look like a baked potato; not that I think my mom is sexy 'cause I mean, she is my mom! Baked potatoes are definitely not sexy.   
  
So I keep picturing Lana in the coveralls, because if I don't those red lace panties pop into my head.   
  
Right. Like that.   
  
Thinking baked potato again. I'm thinking about a baked potato with butter and sour cream - whipped cream....  
  
Oh man, that's wrong! Red lace panties and whipped cream? That's just - really nice actually.  
  
No, no, no!   
  
Was that a push up bra? It looked like one from mom's Victoria Secret catalog, which I stole and have hidden in the loft. Hey, at least its not Playboy. If Pete stuffs any more of those under his mattress his bed is going to reach the ceiling eventually. I'm surprised his mom hasn't noticed, but then again having a household of boys she's probably given up policing the porn. I think if my mom found a Playboy under the mattress she'd do a dance of joy and buy me a subscription.   
  
It cracks me up. I haven't had the "birds and bees" discussion yet. I think they're avoiding it. Seeing as how mom hasn't seen me naked since I turned thirteen they probably think I've got some strange alien thing going on "down there".   
  
Nope, and thank God for that. Junior is well within normal human parameters and fully functional as demonstrated during Lana's foray into snorting Nicodemus pollen.   
  
Are you made of steel? Ha! If she'd gotten just a little bit closer she would have noticed the girder in my pants.   
  
If she'd gotten any closer, and she was pretty damn close to begin with, Kwan might have really gotten an eyeful.   
  
Hmm, sex on a diving board...  
  
Oh man, I have got to stop.   
  
I am so glad that pool was cold.   
  
Nipples.  
  
Shit.   
  
That lacy bra didn't leave much to the imagination did it, especially when it got wet. Clark you could have at least copped a feel, but nooooo, you had to be a good boy didn't you.   
  
I couldn't have done that to her. There's no way. I feel guilty enough now thinking about those red lace panties.   
  
Baked potato.   
  
I wonder if she kept that outfit? Where did she get it in the first place? Hmm? I should have had just a little feel. Just a little one.   
  
Be honest with yourself Kent. You didn't stop kissing Lana because you wanted to did you? You stopped because you got a science fiction horror movie scenario in your head. You pictured having hot gory sex with Lana and her getting pregnant with one of those things from Aliens.  
  
"Congratulations Ms. Lang, its an acid spewing creature from outer space."  
  
And the baby proceeds to eat the doctor.   
  
Okay, now I'm snickering and Chloe is poking me in the back with her pencil.   
  
Man, I cut her off before she slipped me the tongue. She was going to, I know she was, and I totally missed it. Thank God she picked me though. Had she gotten someone else in that pool room they might not have been so resistant. I deserve a medal.   
  
You pompous ass. You wanted to do her and you know it.   
  
Well, yah! Aliens need love too.   
  
Mars needs women.   
  
I'm really losing it here. Stupid flower. Stupid red lace panties. Stupid SAT, aren't we done yet? I'd really like to get the hell out of here. I don't see why I have to stay if I'm finished. Re-check your answers - I did - twice!  
  
Lana's a pretty good gymnast. She looked awfully good on that diving board - wearing those red lace panties. She's pretty flexible.   
  
Whoa! Naked Lana doing Yoga - got to get THAT out of my head.   
  
Is it me, or is it warm in here?   
  
I just broke my pencil and if Chloe doesn't stop poking me I'm going to break hers.   
  
"Hsst, Clark, what's wrong with you? Quit squirming."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Sitting still now, thinking about baked potatoes with cheese and bacon bits. No cream of any sort allowed on my potato. No sirree bob.   
  
Spray cheese in a can.   
  
Did I just groan out loud? See, it only goes to show how incredibly sexy Lana is that she can make a potato into a turn on. Maybe I should picture someone else in the red lace panties.   
  
Pete.   
  
"Clark, do you have a hairball? What was that noise?"  
  
Stifled laughter.   
  
"Sorry Chloe, sorry."  
  
Principal Kwan?  
  
I can't breathe.   
  
"Clarrrrrk! Stoppit."  
  
Chloe.  
  
Oof! Let's not go there. No red lace panties and push up bra on Chloe! Absolutely not! Think of ugly vegetables Clark, quickly.   
  
Too late. Purple lace, and a pierced belly button. Oh God! Ow. Definitely too warm in here.   
  
Hot Chloe. Wet, hot Chloe in purple lace push-up bra.  
  
Help.   
  
What? Oh no. We're not done NOW are we? Yes, they're collecting the tests. Chloe is not getting up. She is, here she comes, and I know I'm blushing.   
  
"So what's the deal Clark? You've been antsy to get out of here for the last twenty minutes and you aren't bolting for the door?"  
  
"Uh, no. I have a question for Ms. Yates. I think I'll stay."   
  
She's narrowing her eyes in that "I don't believe you" look.   
  
I grin. Mind over matter, mind over matter. Ugly vegetables...  
  
"You know Clark, sometimes you are really weird."   
  
Why am I watching her butt as she leaves?   
  
Because looking is all you're allowed to do. Sure it sucks, but its the right thing to do, and you know it. You're a good kid Clark old buddy.   
  
Yeah, I know.  
  
But I still want to know what she's wearing under those pants.   
  
Lace panties?  
  
I think I'm gonna have to sit here a while. 


End file.
